So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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