My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
