I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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