I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
