so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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