OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
BRING THE BAGELS
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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