There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
