the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
