Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize