So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We left the knife in your bed.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
