I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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