Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
