i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
