Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
