So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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