A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
