I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
