I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
