i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
