Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
