his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
