he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
