I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
