winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
