508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
