Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
