I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
