I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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