So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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