Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
