You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
