Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize