i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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