Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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