His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
