Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
