this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
