Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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