I'm lost and stupid without you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
