Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
