Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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