Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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