everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She bit a glass in half.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
