who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
