his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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