She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
