the condom got lost in my hair
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
should my penis look like a turkey
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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