roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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