don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
