great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
