i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
