I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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