I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
