Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
