that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So squirting runs in the family.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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