I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
