My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she looked like the before picture.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
