Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
