What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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