Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
PANTIES FOUND
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