I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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