He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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