After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
