No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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