Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
