don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize