I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
