so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
