ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
