nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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